Creating
a more efficient communication standard
(you have to read it loudly, with proper
pronunciation)
Having
chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament
has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications
between Government departments.
European
officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily
difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is
clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The
program would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by
participating nations.
In
the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of
the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news
with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are
pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of
klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There
would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was announsed that the
troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like
'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We
would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful.
Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had
hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would
be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion
of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after
zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar
arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing
zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After
tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Government vud finali hav kum tru.